Just ask Neisan, and he will tell you - a kiss from Mom can cure anything. And I do mean anything! If he falls, he asks me to "tiss" whatever is hurting. If he's sad, he tells me he's sad and asks for a "tiss" on his forehead. I've kissed his knees, elbows, forehead, fingers, toes - I've healed just about every ailment on almost every body part on the kid with my magical tiss. After he gets this magical tiss, he's off and running, being a wild little boy again. I always think to myself how nice it would be to have someone be able to kiss away my pain.
Tonight I gave myself my first shot for this IVF cycle. It was so strange going through those motions again - getting out the alcohol wipes, getting the needle ready, worrying if I'm giving myself the right dosage... It was surreal. The first shot is always the worst, and tonight that rang so true! I psyched myself out big time! Throughout my first IVF cycle, I didn't even think about the shots. They had to be done, so I did them, no questions or second thoughts about them. They were second nature. I know these next shots will get easier and easier, but the first one really sucked. I was so afraid to just do it! Geno would count, I'd tell him to stop, then I'd tell him to count again only to tell him to stop again... it was a 2 minute process of me pinching my skin up on my stomach while working up the nerve to stick the damn needle in. First shot is down though, and I know tomorrow will be easier!
While I was wigging out about the shot and Geno was cheering me on, Neisan was sitting by us eating dinner. I didn't know he was paying any attention, nor did I think twice about him being there. I was so caught up in it all that I just forgot I guess. After I was done and Geno clapped for me (love that guy) I noticed Neisan's little face was so worried. He climbed down off his little "helper" stand and grabbed me around my whole lower body and hugged me over and over. He wanted to see my "ouch", so I showed him. He gave me a kiss and told me he'd make it all better. And you know what? It did.
The first time I did an IVF cycle, I was childless obviously. I would give myself shots and worry so much about the outcome, and worry about what the process would actually feel like. I had Geno and my family behind me of course, but they didn't understand on the level I did. This time around I have a son. And this time around I had someone who understands on a level that even I don't understand. Someone who is genuinely and deeply worried about me, and someone who is willing to give me a magical kiss to take my pain away. It's such an crazy feeling to have your child help you feel better while doing the exact same thing you did to get that child. This is hard to write and put into words, but I just never thought I'd be at this place. And in about 10 months, I could very possibly have another baby - or two more babies for that matter. Another baby to "tiss" away my pain when I need it. To Neisan, kissing his "ouches" honestly makes him feel better. To him, they are the only thing that can take the pain away. I always giggled when he asked me for a kiss, because I knew - or thought - that it was just a silly little ritual that held no real healing properties. But you know what? They do. A kiss from him is the only way he knows to take away my pain. He means it with all of his heart. That's what makes them magical...
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