to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool..."
Yep - I'm a student again. And it is SO different this time around!
When I started college in 2002 (what?!) as an 18 year-old know-it-all freshman, college was just something I did because I was "supposed" to. I was supposed to go and study, get good grades, gain life experience. Other than a few new friends, a slight beer belly and my coveted college cheerleading uniform, life experience was really the only thing on that list that I gained - and even most of that was in a fraternity party beer haze.
I did the college thing for a few years before I decided that I HATED IT. My family and I opened Hemline in 2004, which meant no more school for me! I was living the life that I thought I wanted. Fashion. Not having a boss to answer to. Working every day with my sisters-in-law.
Slowly the dynamic of owning a business changed, co-workers came and went, and the luster began to wear off. When we closed the doors in June, I knew that week - that day even - that I wanted to go back to school. Not even that I wanted to. That I NEEDED to. Owning a business is hard for everyone involved. You never know if you are going to make it or not. Your income is never permanent, and your job can be swept up with the latest fashion faux-pas. It's tiring, stressful, and while brilliant at times, it could suck the life right out of you at others. I wanted a career that I knew there would always be a need for. I wanted to do something that made me feel good. Something that made me feel like the time spent doing it was worthwhile.
While lying in a hospital bed staring into the eyes of my newborn baby girl, I started to think of all the possibilities I had. Crazy thing babies do to you - they make you happy or something. I mean I had just had my uterus cut open and birthed a human freaking being - the possibilities seemed endless, honestly. And in she came - my nurse, Katy.
All my mama friends know that the days after giving birth are not the most fun. You're getting your vagina checked out around the clock, the nurses come by and punch you in your abdomen every hour to make sure your uterus is shrinking, and lactation consultants are man handling your boobs while smooshing them into your fragile babies mouth with such force that you want to give her a purple-nurple. Lucky for me though, I had Katy. She was AMAZING. With all the awkward things we go through to have babes, Katy made them seem somehow manageable. She got me everything I needed, brought me good lunch when she thought mine looked like crap, kicked visitors out of my room so I could nurse when I was too afraid to say anything, and helped me take a shower when I couldn't hardly feel my legs. She made me feel so comfortable in such an uncomfortable situation. That's when I decided what I wanted to do. I wanted to be Katy.
I started thinking about all the women in the same position as me- lying there, completely overwhelmed with a new life to care for, wondering how you just got through the amazing massacre that is childbirth, feeling like you just got hit by a large truck. I wanted to help them all. And if I were a nurse, I could help them all. I could have skills that would always be needed. A job that is good for life. I could leave work when I was done, and actually leave it because I don't own it. I could feel fulfilled by helping other women feel like Katy made me feel.
I started school (again) on August 20, 2012. This time it's a whole new ball game. In 2002 I would cram for a test an hour before class, freak out because I didn't know a thing on it, then get over it super fast because I was free to socialize. "Oh I got a C on the last test? Woo-hoo, I passed!" Now? I am like a studying machine. I look forward to learning about new things. I get excited about taking tests to see how many new things I know. I participate in class discussion. I am an super nerd. And I LOVE it. If I don't pass every little quiz, exam, homework assignment, etc with an 'A' I am not a happy camper. I want to be the best at what I do. It's challenging. It's stressful. It's motivating. It's amazing. I look at all the young whipper-snappers (who, by the way, look a hot mess every day - can you PLEASE put on real clothes and wash your hair before class?) and I feel so wise! I know I'm not an old woman yet, but I just feel like I have grown and changed so much since I was 18. I've gotten married, owned a business, gained 27 nieces and nephews (not quite), had 2 babies, traveled... so I guess I am a lot more wise this time around. I know I have a lot more schooling ahead of me, but I am enjoying the ride already. In a few years I will be a nurse. In a few more hopefully a nurse practitioner. A few (lot) more after that maybe a reproductive endocrinologist. Who knows where it will take me.
I can't wait to find out.
