As if it ever ended right? But this week it's particularly annoying. On Thursday I go in to surgery. Again. For the 7th time in 5 years. I have never been apprehensive before surgery. I always think of it as something that has to be done, and that after a week of hanging out in my bed, I'll be back to normal. But this time is different.
Since my anxiety started, I have been afraid of almost everything. Every time I board a plane I think of what would happen to Neisan if the plane crashed. Every time I leave for work I have to force myself to think of anything besides what would happen to Neisan if I got into an accident. And now I am going to be put under anesthesia, and let someone cut into me and scrape my insides out. I'll bet you can't guess what's going through my mind... And the fear is SO real.
So all of this worrying got me thinking. How many of the things I have ever worried about in my lifetime have actually happened? The answer is not many. I have traveled a bazillion times - and come home unharmed. I get in my car every single day and make it safely to my destination. I have had 7 surgeries - and healed beautifully. When I was in high school I was worried I wouldn't get into college. When I started college I worried I wouldn't find a job. When I started Hemline I was worried it wouldn't succeed. When I started trying to have a baby I worried it would never happen. Sometimes I just sit back and watch Neisan go about his day. His biggest worry is whether the dogs will try to steal his cookie, or that he will have to sit still for 2 minutes to get his diaper changed. He is happy. Because he doesn't worry about things that may or may not happen.
"People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross" - Author Unknown
Here's to a week without worrying about things you cannot control - and to a smooth surgery and easy recovery in the next step to a new life in the Kennedy family.
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